This whole thing.

This whole pregnancy thing isn’t shaping up to be quite the bag of tricks it was cracked up to be. In addition to 9 months of uninterrupted PMS, I am now unable to enjoy even the slightest reward from this misery.

Going in for your kid’s ultrasounds is supposed to be the hallelujah moment of all of this. Instead, my kid’s picture looks like one of those images you see on Dateline of the pro-lifer’s parading around with pictures of unborn fetuses on their sticks. I can’t even look at it without wanting to chant “Hey, hey -- Mister, mister, Get your hands -- off my Sister!”

And that whole hearing the heart beat thing was downright spooky. Though I’m sure if my kid’s father is actually Darth Vader, he’ll be very proud.