(un)Fair Trade

In case anyone missed it in my earlier posting, let me be clear: all those ladies who tell you that pregnancy is a glorious 9 months, including but not limited to the fact that you don’t get your period, have lied to you.

Right about now, some of you biology majors are probably thinking to yourself, “Hmm, Gia, if you’re still getting your period I think there’s a good chance you might not be pregnant.”

Multiple Choice:

How do you know you are about to get your period?
A. Cramps
B. Big and bloated
C. Cranky mother fucker
D. Horny
E. Crave Hot Fudge Sundaes, Oreos, Ding Dongs, Whoopie Pies.

I’m here to tell you: pregnancy no glowy ball of joy. It is none other than “F. All of the Above.”

That means for 9 months you are a big fat bloated crampy Ding Dong eating cranky horny mother fucker.

So, in summary, ladies, listen to the Minister of Truth: you will save $45 in tampons, but you will put 45 lbs of Ding Dong on your arse.