Today I Had a Bottle of Wine

JK. However...

One of the greatest pleasures in life is coming home after work and taking a little dip in the sauce. I'm not talking full on drunk diving, just maybe hanging off the edge of the raft and getting your feet wet in the pond.

Way back since the days of cavemen, pregnant women have been have been tipping back some fermented beverage, after a long day of doing all the work while the men sat on their asses and sharpened spears. Thanks to some random study in 1983 where they looked at women who drank FIVE drinks a night, I can't have my after-work cocktail anymore. Now even the French have started printing warning labels on their wine.

This is ridiculous, I think. Look at Mad Men!

So I pour myself a glass of wine and take a sip. Ahhhhhh...rrrrrrggg.

Guilt and images of malformed babies fill my head.

So, I plead to Google for help. I am relaxed by the stories of many women who have imbibed while pregnant and had healthy babies (up to the lips goes the wine)... as long as it’s not the first trimester (and down).

Finally, the Pièce de Résistance : a 2008 study finds it actually helps the baby to drink! Thank God for the British. Kids whose parents drank seemed more well socialized! Wait a minute...

If personality is, at least partly (and tragically for me) genetic, doesn’t it stand to reason that the kids of the super chill drinky parents would be better socialized than the kids of the crazy psycho health-nut parents?

What am I going to do with this opened bottle of wine? I guess I'll feed it to the dog.